Poetry by Carol Chen

 

     - Contents -

 

 

Right There Waiting
September 1995


Like the deep still silent night
Encompassing my very soul
Outside... beyond the horizons...
Where did my heart go ?

Chasing the unreachable
Hoping for a miracle
Envisioning everything
Expecting nothing

How and why... I don't know
Or perhaps I don't want to know
Others have come and gone
None bothered to look back
Gone for good...

Zooming out into the vast space
A place no one else has traspassed
Keeping myself there...
And in the meantime
Right there waiting for
You.


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Burn for this Moment in Time
October 1995 (translated from a Chinese song)


The other love stories are all heart-wrenching
But there's only uncertainty between you and me
To love or not to love... the line is blurred
I could only swallow down my hurt...

We're both afraid of feelings changing
Worried about dreams and hopes vanishing
So we put aside our expectations...
Leaving no forms of assurance

Is forever really that unreachable ?
Vows and promises are just a bunch of lies...
Since we feel for each other
Let's not be anxious about forever

I want to love you with each and every today in my life
Believing that true love will stand the test of time
Day and night... letting go of my emotions
Let the fairy tale begin...

I want to love you with each and every today in my life
No more suppressions, no more insecurities...
Lighting up the flame of love in me
To burn for this moment in time...


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Tears for Love
October 1995 (translated from a Chinese song)


Love, so tormenting... causing me to lose my directions
I've lavished my youth... just for you

Love, so stirring... making me sink deep and deeper
All the tears shed in front of you... for love and love alone

Keep comforting myself that you're worth the wait
And tears are just part of this process
But never did I imagine your insincerity
And when I want to turn back... it's too late

Tears for love, time and again... endless waiting
But never any sympathy for me
Loving you has made me
The loneliest person on earth...

Tears for love, time and again... endless waiting
Did you ever care for me ?
Doesn't matter... I'm just shedding
Tears for love.


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Love Lost... Love Found... (part I)
February 1996 (note the first column)


Love lost...
Over the years
Vulnerable and hurt
Expecting love no more

You came along
Out of the blue
Unravelling what's buried in my heart...

Apprehensive and afraid, yet...
Love found me again
With you, I see
A peek into the future
You and me together
Since... love is all it takes ?


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Love Lost... Love Found... (part II)
February 1996 (note the first column)


Touching you... feel your breath on my face
Our bodies pressing in a warm embrace

You bring back memories
Of a certain past...
Unfortunately of which did not quite last

What is gone,
Is gone forever...
Though I never dared
Hope for another

Love lost.. and found.. all is but an illusion?
Or perhaps something highly undefined
Vexed, for I could dispel almost every thought
Except those of you... from my mind...

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To You and Him...
April 1996


I'm sorry
What else can I say
Never thought it'll end this way

Those moments in our lives
When we were so much a part of each other
We've laughed, we've cried
And shared so much together

That fateful day I'll remember
When I cried for the last time ever
In your presence ...

Then I found myself alone
Waiting for you

Waiting for you... Wanting to wait for you
Wanting to wait for you... But ...
Tired ...
Stopped ...

He was waiting for me
Right there

Right here... When my life was in pits
You were there, he was here
When I wanted to scream
Your ear was there, his was here
When I felt like crying
Your shoulder was there, his was here

Now that I'm happy
You are still there, he is here ...

Did you choose to be there ?
Seems that you did
On that fateful day ...

Tired of loving, tired of waiting
Tired of giving so much of myself
Wanted to take a backseat and be loved for once
And indeed I am
Right now, right here
How could I bear give up this chance ?

Not only am I loved
But to have learnt
To love back without exhausting myself
To wait without putting my life on hold
To give without feeling drained

Perhaps I should not be saying sorry
But to say thank you
Even for that fateful day ...

To you, apologies and thanks ...
To my dearest him,
With love and thanks ...


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Gone through ... Love
April 1996 (translated from a Chinese song)


It's a blessing when love lasts
But if not, let it pass

I've been through this, so have you
Happy times more than those that were blue

Be content when love's in the air
But if not, don't despair

If still in sorrow you surf
Just remember those times of love...

It's his hand...
His hand that was ever so gentle

Brushing over...
Over my contours, making me tingle

No denying that
Happiness was what I had

Having gone through
We should treasure that we've shared

No denying that
Happiness was what I had

Having loved
I'd say, my life is... without regret...


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Untitled
October 1996


I will never forget that day, that night...
As we became one... from that instant
In body, mind and soul... everything
What more could I ask for?
Belonging to each other, or rather, to us as one entity
Each time I miss you, it's like a part of me is gone
I just wanna give my all to you, to be together again
There may be complaints, disappointments...
But no one is perfect, neither is myself
At the end of the day,
All I remember,
Is how much I love you
And how you love me too
From the moment you said you love me
I know I've lived... without regret
And will leave this place without regret too
Coz I know, one day we'd meet again,
Wherever we are...
And be one again...


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In that Cold Stormy Night
April 1997 (translated from a Chinese song)


There's a conclusion for every love story
Mine ended with you leaving me ...
Watching you as you walk out of my life,
Is this all meant to be ?

I really wanna let you know, just let you know
That you were the most beautiful encounter I've had
I will always remember you,
Even though you left me standing in the rain, in the night ...

In that cold stormy night
How I wished I could keep the dream alive
But knowing there's no way to bring you back
The story has ended
And the rain still goes on ...

In that cold stormy night
Still wishing I had kept the dream alive
Can anyone tell me how to turn back the clock ?
Sigh ... I know ... the story is ended
While the rain, yeah, goes on and on ...


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Loneliness
April 1997 (note the first column)


Loving ... getting hurt ...
Only memories left, at the end of the day
No doubt, there were some good times, but ...
Even the toughest heart suffers from a break
Loneliness sets in, surrounding me ... almost choking
Is there anyone there for me ?
No more fairy tales for me to believe in ... could I ...
Ever love so deeply again ?
Since I've found you ...
Since I've lost you ...


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Sometimes
November 1998 (inspired by Joe Black)


Sometimes I lay awake
In the middle of the night
Wondering what's to be achieved in life
Wondering what Death has in store

Sometimes all I think about
Is making a name for myself
Perhaps to be the absolute best in something
Or an accomplishment never before

Sometimes I look around me
I see people hurrying by
In a freeze frame, I realize
Being the best isn't the best anymore

Sometimes words can't begin to describe
How much it'll mean to me
If I could make a difference in someone's life
Before I go a-knocking on heaven's door

Sometimes I see sadness in your eyes
I cannot change what's in the past
But if I could be the happiness in your future
That'll be more than I'd ask for

Sometimes I hate to leave things hanging
Yet unpredictable as life is
Anything can happen, lightning can strike,
... I thank you for loving me ...


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Titanic
July 2001 (translated from a Chinese song)


I dreamt of Titanic
I dreamt of you and me
The water still, the iceberg tall
The warmest hug in the coldest of nights

I dreamt of Titanic
It was another instance of you
Love hurts, but there were no tears
It ended, it sank deep, with a smile

My dream, it was so sweet
I could not bear to open my eyes
My tears, they were there when I awoke
Soaking, drenching my pillow...

I would give my everything to love you,
Hug you, wait for you, think of you
And you, just like a whirlwind,
Dragged me deep into the dark cold night

Love is like a birthmark, can't be tossed away,
Washed away, or rubbed away
If it could be possible, please let me sink deep
To the bottom of the sea with Titanic

Even if I could forget about you,
Forget the wrongs, and forget the past...
I would not be able to forget the beautiful
Love on the Titanic

I dreamt of Titanic
I awoke and you were gone
The bittersweet taste of my tears
Would you ever know?


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Courage
July 2001 (translated from a Chinese song)


Others say I am too crazy
To go with him a-roaming
Laughter and tears, all within me
But there's no room for sadness

When you love somebody
You long for what he longs for
If he wants to fly
I will make him wings

When he's through riding the wind
I hope he returns to my side
Plenty of tales of his adventures
With perhaps some indiscretions

I would laugh off the crazy stuff
And treasure the treasured things
Love begets love and kindness

Everything feels so natural
It is so easy to love him
Gentleness is courage
From a lady to her man

The road is long, the journey endless
I'll keep him company with my heart
Connecting deep into the night

When you love somebody
You long for what he longs for
If he wants to fly
I will make him wings...


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August 26
August 2001 (inspired by Moulin Rouge)


You asked me if I'm sure
And I said yes
You asked me how I knew I'm sure
And I said I just know

When you feel the way I do
There will be no doubt in your heart
That you and I can come together
And we will never grow apart

Feelings of happiness when we're together
Feelings of belonging, that I no longer have to roam
Feelings of trust, that I can depend my life on you
Feelings of security, with your arms around me
Feelings of completeness, with our union
Feelings of love... that magical touch

Love is a many splendored thing
And love is more than just a feeling
That's because love is the integration of many wonderful feelings

To love is like playing the piano
First you must learn to play by the rules
Then you must forget the rules and play from your heart
I've been a rules girl too long
So please let me love you with all my heart

Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place
Come what may, come what may
I will always... love... you...


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"Ice"
September 2001


Ice cubes swirling in the wine glass
Melting slowly... but surely...
Can't stop them, can't do anything
But to watch them helplessly

Put a finger in the bittersweet wine
Trying to get ahold of a piece
One by one, they slip from my finger
Melting even faster

The finger's numb, but the heart still aches
Perhaps it's not meant to be
Ice melting, heart breaking
Hurts so much... till nothing's in me


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Falling Futilely
November 2001


The love of your life
Is not me
The love of your life
It is she

She has a grip on your heart
And control on your soul
She knows her hold over you
And she won't let go

I tried so hard and got so far
But in the end it doesn't even matter
I had to fall to lose it all
But in the end it doesn't even matter

Because you still love her
And you still want her
Even though you tell me
You can't be with her

You keep saying that
She is your best friend
But what I keep hearing is
You want more than a "friend"

I know that in your heart
You believe she's your soulmate
Perhaps knowing you but not having you
Is just my fate

What good are soulmates
If they don't allow each other to grow
He was also my soulmate
But I had to let go

You tell me that I'm your girl
I hear it, but I don't feel it
Because she resurfaces everytime that
I thought I could finally believe it

I don't think that just because
I've known you for a time much shorter
Does my love pale in comparison
To what she has to offer

It doesn't even matter
Anymore...
Will someone please catch me?
I've a long way to fall...


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You in My Life
February 2002 (dedicated to Bruce)


If my life were a jigsaw puzzle
I would search for all the pieces
And you would be the glue
More vital than any single piece
For you hold all the pieces together
And give meaning to the bigger picture

If my life were the solar system
I would be the sun
And you would be the gas hydrogen
More important than any planet
For you ignite the fire in me
And keep my flames burning

If my life were the symphony orchestra
I would be the conductor
And you would be the music
More significant than any one player
For you provide the soul of a composition
And breath life into the instruments

If my life were to end right now
I would leave with a contented sigh
For having found the reason of my existence
When I found you...


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An Impromptu Poem
March 2003


The world won't stop turning tomorrow
If I were to leave it today
Will anyone feel any sorrow
If I didn't call them to say hey

Buried under responsibilities
Lost amid commitments
Frustrations and insecurities
Stomping on me like elephants

I wish that I could spare more time
To spend with friends and family
But while I can find words that rhyme
Time still flies by so quickly

Perhaps the hopes I have are much too high
Way out of reach, but I have to try
I want to live, not just to survive
And I'm keeping my dreams alive...


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Sometimes Life Just Isn't Fair
December 2003 (inspired by and dedicated to Gloria)


Sometimes life just isn't fair
That's easy for you to say
How would you know what I'm going through
If you haven't walked a mile in my shoe

This is no ordinary shoe
It is attached to a ball and chain
I'm a prisoner in the land of the free
Locked up with an extra dose of pain

Perhaps it's easier to be cold and empty
Void of emotions, totally sucked dry
Not knowing nor caring what tomorrow holds
Completely drained of tears to cry

But hollow I may be, I am still alive
As much as I fight it or will it away
My feelings creep back unsuspectingly
Continuing to haunt me day after day

Naked and exposed, lonely and exhausted
There's no other choice and no way out
Even if I want to walk away from it all
I don't have anywhere to go

So I stay behind with my ball and chain
Picking up the pieces of broken glass
Gluing back the mess of broken dreams
Sewing back the fabric of a broken home

I too have been broken, many times over
Hastily put back just to be broken again
Between the pieces, within the cracks
Filled with dried blood from my heart a-slain

That which does not kill me only makes me stronger
Believing that may sustain me just a little longer
As I search on for that glimmer of hope
I can't help but think
Sometimes life just isn't fair


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